CHAPTER 1
Once upon a time there was a
beautiful caterpillar named Ashley. As
she crawled through the garden, munching on leaves and making her way, she came
upon a toadstool. On the toadstool, she
saw a garden gnome. His name was
Phillip. Phillip looked down and saw
Ashley and she looked up and saw him.
Immediately, the two fell in love, but unfortunately Ashley, with her
short stubby legs, couldn’t climb the toadstool to see Phillip and Phillip,
like most garden gnomes, was glued to the mushroom and unable to move. So their love could amount to
nothing. Devastated, Ashley crawled
away.
Many days passed and Ashley became
increasingly larger and more lethargic until one day she curled up and fell
into a deep sleep. For weeks she
remained in a comatose state, not moving, barely breathing. At last, one spring day her eyes opened. She
stretched her legs, bursting from the crust that had formed around her. Blinking in the bright sunlight, she stood, turned
and twisted and realized in her slumber she had sprouted wings. Elated, she allowed her wings to dry and then
flew directly to the side of her beloved Phillip.
He sat, waiting for her on his
toadstool. In the moments their eyes met
again, their hearts beat as one and Ashley knew there was gnome one else for
her and Phillip knew that she was for him.
They bonded immediately and lived happily ever after…until winter came
and Ashley froze.
Circle of life, right?
CHAPTER 2
Unbeknownst to her true love, Ashley, prior to her death, had consumed a portion of Anna’s Incredible Edible Eggs, which gave her life, extended vitality and brought her to a nearly immortal state. Though all other butterflies met their demise with the onset of winter, Ashley found a hollow in a slab of granite and, as the last of the autumn leaves fell, forced herself into a deep hibernation. Days passed, seasons changed, until Ashley, somewhat weakened, emerged again into the open. Immediately she flew to her beloved Phillip, vowing to renew and rekindle the romance that had been seemingly snuffed out.
Unfortunately,
Phillip was not to be found. “PHILLIP!”
she cried, her heart breaking slowly.
“Phillip, my one, my only true love, where have you gone?” But Phillip did not answer, because he was
gone. Ashley nestled herself into a
hollowed out stump and wept bitterly.
“To what end have I preserved myself only to find the one creature, for
whom my heart beat, has been taken from me?”
Little did
Ashley know that Phillip, unable to defend himself and weakened by the devastating
blow of Ashley’s presumed death, had been carried away by the evil beings of
Friendship Meadows, perhaps the Badditudes.
“I shall never love again,” he vowed.
“Never again will I allow the compassion and caring and concern of another
to enter into my soul. Never again will
I open my heart to feeling. It mattereth
not that I am stolen away, for what difference does it make if I am to spend
the remainder of my days basking in the mountain meadows or here, caged away
like an animal, if Ashley is not by my side?”
Ashley,
rallying the last of her strength, used her wings to wipe away the last of her
tears. “I shall have no peace until I
have discovered the source that carried away my Phillip.”
Immediately
Ashley flew to the lair of the pterodactyl ninja. “I need you to train me,” she announced.
“To what end?” asked the
pterodactyl ninja.
“That I may defend myself against
whatever force I encounter that has stolen my love!”
“Very well. I advise you to get some rest. We begin at dawn.”
“No!” commanded Ashley, “we begin
immediately!”
“Very well,” said the pterodactyl
ninja. “Your first task is agility.”
From out of nowhere, bubbles
appeared. “Each bubble must be popped in
turn. Only when you have met with
success can you advance to the next task.”
CHAPTER 3
For days on end, Ashley practiced
her skills. Thrusting her arms forward
as quickly as possible, she popped bubbles in turn. Over and over she practiced, working toward
perfection, but without success.
Finally, forcing herself to stay within her mind, she deprived herself
of food, and sleep forcing all her energy into the task of not allowing even a
single bubble to escape her notice. The
very act that honed her skills also depleted her strength.
As her weakness spread, her mind
began to wander and flashed back to her time as a caterpillar. Most difficult
of all the memories was the first time she had seen Phillip and did nothing to
try to reach him, allowing her stubby legs to hold her back. “Phillip,” she gasped, “I can’t fail you
again.” Drawing upon the last of her
strength, a thought reached her mind.
With much effort, she climbed hand over hand finally reaching the source
of the bubbles, the mythical pink duck.
“I shall destroy youuuuu!” she decreed.
With six of
her bare limbs, Ashley wrapped herself around the duck, squeezing and holding
it until the duck drew its last breath and the bubbles belched forth no
more. Slowly she relaxed her stiffened
appendages only to realize one of her arms had
been torn from its socket in the struggle against the duck. She paused
only a moment to lament the loss of her limb and then, lacking extreme
nourishment, she quickly consumed the duck, drawing on its energy. With renewed thoughts of Phillip she found
the strength to move forward.
Returning to the main chamber of his
lair, the pterodactyl ninja said, “At last you are ready. The only other aid I can offer you in your
quest for Phillip is this weapon.”
Pausing he held out a pink handled mace topped with the acid pink
poisoned quills of the venomous porcupine.
“Use it wisely, warrior,” he said.
Ashley
grasped the weapon and stowed it in the sheath she carried on her belt. She looked around the lair that had, in the
past months, become her home. “I’ll miss
you pterodactyl ninja,” she whispered.
“I don’t even know where to begin.”
“The only
advice I can give you child, is follow the pink rabbit. He will take many detours and try many tricks
to get you off his tail, but follow the pink rabbit.”
“But where shall I find him?”
“You must first locate the Barnabas
Magic Caravan. Ask to take a job as one
of the carnies. When you have been
accepted, get close to the Bearded Lady and the Third Eye Blind. They alone can help you in your quest for the
pink rabbit, Bishop Cottontail.”
“But what about Phillip?”
The ninja looked down. “Let us hope
you can reach him in time!”
CHAPTER 4
Ashley bid farewell to the
pterodactyl ninja, accidentally catching him on the spines of her weapon as she
hugged him goodbye. He dropped dead,
almost immediately with the shriek of his call resonating against the stone
walls as the last sound to fill her ears.
There was no time for tears; each moment wasted could mean an
unimaginable torture to Phillip’s tiny pink body.
Ashley left
the lair and forced a huge boulder in front of the entrance, turning the lair
into a mausoleum, the final resting place of her ninja master. Neither horses nor bicycles were to be had in
the region, so Ashley mounted an over-sized flamingo and took to the air. The flamingo, well trained in the art of
travel, flew quickly to the glen beneath the arctic glacier, the known winter
home of the Barnabas Magic Caravan. Just
as the graceful flamingo circled the basin in its final descent, the bird
killer perched just outside the protected dell, cast a boulder which broke the
long neck of the tropical pink bird.
Grasping
and extending the wings of the lifeless bird, Ashley glided steadily toward the
rapidly approaching ground. Landing forcefully, she tumbled head over heels
scraping all five knees and elbows.
Fall had entered the atmosphere,
soon to be followed by winter. Within weeks the tiny troupe would be locked in to
the enclosed valley. The delay gave Ashley time to hone her fighting skills and
to formulate a plan.
Within the
month, from the shelter she and her new found friend, the cast iron chef, had
built on the hillside, Ashley saw the caravan enter the narrow valley. The mountain range surrounding provided much
needed protection from the icy blizzards of the season. Shortly after the last stake was driven into
the solid earth and the final tent had been erected in the winter camp, night
covered the valley. Ashley, followed by the chef, stealthily crept down from
the mountainside. The only way to get
close to them was to become one of them and the weeks of preparation had primed
her well. Slipping through the pass, she
went outside the valley to retrieve her secret weapon.
CHAPTER 5
Ashley had,
like any good predator, studied her prey.
Though her intended target was a snarky creature, Ashley knew several
things. First, the creature always grew
weaker in the days just before hibernating in her underground den. Secondly, she relied heavily on her
minions. And lastly, the BEAST was
anything but nocturnal. For many, the
face of the Beast alone was enough to petrify a would-be-attacker, but Ashley
had trained with the pterodactyl ninja and was well skilled in the martial
arts. By capturing the Beast’s minions
first, Ashley would be able to disable the defenses of the Beast and thereby
begin the process of taming her. Only by
attempting the entrapment at night, days before the snowfall would she, with
her limited prowess, be able to overpower the Beast.
Heaving herself into the heavy
cast-iron kettle of the cast iron chef, she signaled to him to lower her down to
the entrance of the den. It was he who had provided the necessities of life;
water, food, and warmth. It was he who had helped to shape her Phillip into a
gnome like gnome other, a gnome worth searching for and a gnome worth fighting
for.
Slowly, hand over hand the chef
lowered the oven. It’s thick, even metal walls would protect Ashley until the Beast
drifted into a deep sleep. With an almost undetectable clank, the three short
legs settled on the ground outside of the lair.
Ashley adjusted her position and
waited. At last, she heard the slow,
even breathing of the Beast, signifying to Ashley that the Beast had at last
fallen asleep. Moving noiselessly
through the undergrowth, she first captured and silenced the minions in burlap
bags. Then she crept into the den. It was with much difficulty that Ashley
secured thick chains to the surrounding walls, for the least amount of noise
would wake the only animal wild enough that to tame her would earn Ashley a
spot as a carnie.
Grasping
the first of the iron restraints, Ashley crept toward the Beast. Suddenly there was the ear splitting
scream. “Help me!” screeched the
night-talker. “Ahhhhhh!.”
The eyes of the Beast flew open and
with no time to react, the Beast pounced on Ashley pinning her to the
ground. Caught in its powerful
entrapment, Ashley’s mind was drawn to the only one who had ever defied the
Beast; the Telepathic 25-Letter Alphabet Bow Hunter.
“Help me,” thought Ashley.
“I’m sowwy. “I’m twapped in the
tent with a tewwible illness. It is a
plague the likes of which this univewse has nevew seen.”
Ashley
could feel the breath of the Beast, hot on her throat. In one gulp, Ashley could be devoured. With the Telepathic 25-Letter Alphabet Bow
Hunter indisposed, Ashley was on her own.
The nostrils of the beast oozed mucus as they passed over Ashley, the
Beast sniffing her prey. Saliva dropped
from an enormous pink tongue. Jaws
opened wide and swept nearer. Ashley
could see the uvula dangling at the back of the Beast’s throat. “Phillip. Oh my dear sweet Phillip. I’m so sorry.
I tried. Please, oh please
forgive me!”
Just as the jaws were about to close,
the Telepathic 25-Letter Alphabet Bow Hunter appeared.
“Ashley, whewe awe you?”
“Follow the sound of my thoughts,”
thought Ashley.
“I took some Pepto-Bismol and I
feel bettew. I’m sowwy I was so dewayed.”
“I’m here. Hurry, before it’s too late.”
The Telepathic
25-Letter Alphabet Bow Hunter closed his eyes.
Concentrating deeply, he loaded his bow with a dart laced with a sleeping
agent. Drawing back the string, he took
aim. Just as he was about to release the taught bowstring, a misguided spell
from Harry Potter’s biggest fan struck him upside the head and he fell to the
earth, overtaken by the cursed hex.
Once again, Ashley was on her own.
Closing her eyes, she concentrated deeply. The reedy voice of the pterodactyl
ninja came as though from the grave.
“Only you have the power to defeat the beast.”
Immediately,
Ashley knew what she had to do.
CHAPTER 6
“Hey
beast,” Ashley called out, “have you heard?”
“Kakaah,” answered the beast, which
Ashley interpreted to mean, “heard what?”
“I thought everyone had heard.”
“Kakaah,” answered the beast again.
“B, B, B, bird, bird, bird is the
word. B, B, B bird, bird, bird is the
word.”
The Beast began to sing along, her
lilting voice carrying beyond the den and into the world beyond. In her distracted state, Ashley was able to tether
the beast and capture her once and for all. With the success of this feat, she
would be able to join the caravan as a carnie; the butterfly who tamed the Beast.
With
creature in tow, Ashley returned, dawn breaking, to the glen, just as the first
snows of the season began to fall.
Within moments, the pass became an impasse.
“I need to speak to Barnabas about
a job,” Ashley said.
“No one speaks to Barnabas,”
answered Third Eye Blind somewhat snarkily.
“Then who makes the decisions about
the jobs?”
“I do. What do you have?”
“I will tame the Beast.”
“Let me see.”
“I’m not ready,” Ashley replied.
“Very well. Obviously you cannot cross the pass, so you
have a job; cleaning up after the other carnies. If you can be ready by spring with your act,
you may stay on as part of the show. If
not, the Beast will have a fine meal of you; after all, we are an elite group.”
For the
next months, Ashley spent her days working with the Beast and cleaning up after
the other members of the troupe.
Evenings were spent getting to know the other carnies. And at night, eyes closed, she spent her
hours with Phillip, dreaming of happier times gone by and yet to come.
As the
temperatures turned warmer and the accumulated snows began to melt, Ashley made
a discovery. One night as she was
cleaning up the shaving station of the Bearded Lady, she noticed the rug that
sat in the center of the wagon was slightly ajar. Going to straighten it, she heard a hollow
sound beneath.
Looking
around to make certain that she was alone, Ashley lifted the lid to a trap
door. Stepping inside, she lowered
herself down the ladder and into a deep pit.
Pausing to allow her eyes to adjust to the darkness, she saw a large
pink rabbit.
Startled,
he began hopping away. This was the
cottontail the pterodactyl ninja had told her of. Quickly she gave chase as the rabbit scurried
down a tunnel which branched off in multiple directions. At times she fell scraping herself on the
jagged rocks over which she stumbled. Other times sharp formations gouged at
her scalp as she rushed past them. Twice
the rabbit nearly escaped, but finally he hopped into an opening where the
darkness faded into light.
“Phillip!” she gasped, for there he
was, sitting, staring skyward from his toadstool.
“Ashley?”
She smiled, “Of course.”
“I thought you were dead.”
Ashley stepped toward him. “No, my love.
I ate some of Anna’s Incredible Edible Eggs.” She took another step.
“Stop it!”
“Phillip?”
“Please don’t come any closer. I have been inflicted with the plague of the
Telepathic 25-Letter Alphabet Bowman. I
fear you advancing would jeopardize your life.”
“But Phillip, I’ve come to be with
you.”
Phillip cast his eyes
downward. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.
“Not as sorry as I” raged
Ashley. “Have you any idea what I’ve
gone through for you? I trained with a
pterodactyl ninja, who met with his demise.
I wrestled a bubble duck and lost a limb. I was nearly eaten by a Beast and for months
I’ve lived with carnies. Who are you to
me that I would suffer so much for so long and be met with only an ‘I’m
sorry.’ You are not the gnome I fell in
love with.”
Phillip
tore off his head, “No,” he said, “I’m not.”
From within the shell of Phillip emerged the Badditudes. “Your time has been wasted. You shall not see Phillip again.”
Ashley
collapsed and sank to the floor, despair overwhelming her. Her body shook with sobs that seemed would
never be exhausted. “Oh Phillip, I was
too late. If only I had been faster to
tame the Beast. If only I had been
quicker to master my agility. If only…if
only.”
At long
last the room fell silent and then the light that had come from overhead,
slowly faded and at last vanished.
“You have failed,” said the first
Badditude.
Ashley drew her knees toward her
chest.
“Did it never occur to you that if
Phillip had truly loved you he would have sought you out? That he wouldn’t have believed your death
came with the first frost?”
Scalding tears slipped from her
eyes, but Ashley cried silently, unwilling to let the Badditudes see her
emotion.
“What a tragedy that it should end
this way; him banished and you, the great hero, cowering here in the darkness.”
A spark
ignited within Ashley’s soul.
Banished? Banished? Banished was not dead. Banished meant that despite those that now
surrounded and taunted her, Phillip was still alive. Banished meant that hope had a chance to
prevail.
Slowly,
Ashley drew herself to her feet. In the
darkness she felt for her pink quilled mace.
“How dare you!” Her steady voice filled the dark space. “How dare you fiends stand in the way of true
love. How dare you nourish despair. How
dare you hide my Phillip from me.
Nothing, including you, can stand in the way of destiny, of true love,
of a lifetime with my soul mate!”
The
Badditudes had no chance to respond. In
a flash, Ashley swung her mace and dealt the final death blows, one on either
side, slaying the Badditudes. With their
casualty, the light slowly began to illuminate the cavernous space.
“Phhhhhhillllllllippppppp!” she bellowed. “Where are you?” Her voice echoed in the large space.
“Ashley?” it was barely above a
whisper.
She turned and looked behind
her. There, duct taped to the wall in
various shades of white, pink, and gray duct tape was Phillip. “Oh, Phillip, what have they done to you?”
“My sweet. The life I have lived is
now complete for I have at last again seen you with my own eyes. Even when the snow fell and the frost came
and I could see you no more, I never lost hope that I would once again see your
short pink tresses and taste of your rose colored lips.”
“Phillip, you musn’t speak this
way. I’ve come for you because there is
gnome one else for me.
“I understand my darling, but we will
never escape with our lives. You saw
what they did to Bishop Cottontail; they cut his eyes out. They changed my name to Barnabas in an
attempt to hide me from you and they spared my life, but now that we are
reunited, they will hunt us relentlessly.”
“No sweetheart. You musn’t lose hope. We’ve come this far. We must face the Bearded Lady and the Third
Eye Blind, as well as, numerous wand wielding wizards, but all is not
lost. I have tamed the Beast who listens
to me alone and we have each other; we have it all.”
“For your courage I love you all
the more, Ashley. Now help me down from
this wall and together, hand in hand we will venture forth. Should we live or should we die, it matterth
not, for we are together.”
“I love you Phillip.”
“My darling, what happened to your
arm?”
“We have the rest of our lives for
me to explain. Let’s get out of here so
we can get the rest of our lives started.”
As Ashley
helped Phillip from the wall, hope was restored and though the journey would be
difficult, they knew that together they were un-defeat-able!
THE END
